the past few weeks my heart has
been a mess. and that's hard.
its hard to be a woman, I think.
but then a vision slides across my mind...
of all the women in the world.
all throughout the decades
and the wars
and the silence
and the noise
and the turbulance
and the beauty
and the men in their lives
and the heartache
the maidens
the fiances
the sisters
the mothers
all the mistresses
and the wives

and it occurs to me that I am not one of them
I am all of them.

and ill be damned
if a woman has walked this earth
and not felt the slightest bit of
heartache
about some boy.

crap, I am happy.

your loveliness goes on and on, yes it does, yes it does.
my creative juices are producing rivers.
which is good. I need some occupation.



































I have a few projects for myself this winter:
a) finishing my photoseries and exhibiting it.
b) evolving my videography.
c) learning to bake- everything- from scratch.
d) reading. a lot.
e) making a new friend.
f) painting the whole of my new apartment.
g) drowning all of my inhibitions in lake erie.

ready, set, go.

the feast jon and I had the other day, I made the muffins and waffles.
my belly is still happy.

new discovery:
I can choose whether or not to be a commodity.

they tell me


















































its finding a real, live, connection with another human being
that makes it all worthwhile.

I miss you.

its funny how
you think your life is going one way and then
it isnt.

my mind is churning.

fuck.

excuse the language.
but that is all I can say today.

my favorites from the black and white roll I took in europe.

i wrote my name in your book.
only god knows why
and I bet you that he cracked a smile.
and I'm clearing all the crap out of my room
trying desperatly to find what it is that makes me blue
and I wrote an epic letter to you
and its twenty two pages front and back
but its too good to be used
and I try to be a girl who likes to be used
i'm too good for that
there's a mind under this hat.

a song by laura marling. she is alright. sometimes I feel like she knows how me.

its rainy and sad and lovely today.
I'm at the library, watching the clouds roll by through big, square windows.
the weather is changing. Its not as warm. Its my favorite, right in between cold and warm.
I am finishing my Series this weekend, to be exhibited later this month. It is exciting.

I am hoping to publish a book soon afterwards, I've been doing some talking and its definatly in the works.

its been murphy's law the past couple of days.
driving me up a wall.

I think this past week I've cried more, and smiled more, than I have in quite some time.
you've been on my mind.
complacent.
the grey in the sky seems to dull so many minds
not for I.

good lawd.
I am still all frazzled from my trip, my soul is itching to get back there.
the pace is better suited to my heart in europe.
going home this weekend, am looking forward to it SO much.
Hoping to do a photo session with caroline while I am there.
everytime I see her I have grown as an artist and feel the need to re-record her.

zenit and I have a long, lovely relationship starting.
it will be nice to taste some clean air.