what I've been listining to lately:



saw them live the other day, so lovely.

(I want you back underneath my skin)

(I thought you should know its okay to be free)

i think
people are beginning
to understand my photographs.

just dropped off three rolls, caroline and I found an abandoned house today- it was burned out, full of rubbish. she found a poem, I, a photograph in a frame, and we took both with us.

some fairly remarkable photos were taken, I believe, I hope.

I am such a believer.
I believe in anything.
in everything.

the back door crumbled to ash in my fingers.

now that I'm home for the holidays I'm experiencing this again.













and it isn't the best of things.

(not the muffin, the distance)

I am leaving to go down south early tomorrow morning, which I am looking forward to.
a nice change of pace. Hoping to find something abandoned or beautiful to photograph with my baby sister, who has become quite the little photographer herself.

home is wherever I'm with you.

from the other day.
im tired.
sometimes living is just
exhausting.

I have the best boyfriend in the world.
this is his christmas present for me:









MINE.

my childhood was as imperfect as the next guy's.

most of it I don't remember, due to the combination of how often I moved and some psychological condition that causes one to forget her trauma.
some things dont escape me though.
one year after my parent's divorce, my father rented a duplex and we were to stay with him all summer, and only see mother every other weekend. She gave me a little box, I remember, that had some cheesy quote on the front about being far apart, so that when I missed her I could have it and know she was thinking of me.
one day later on caroline stepped on it, and my world fell to pieces.
she was probably only about three, but I hated her for it.
I escaped into the back yard, a meadow, all giant and yellow and endless and grassy.
I think it was full of wheat, I'm not sure, I only remember that it was very high and soft, and I wanted to lose myself inside.
I was seven maybe. and so many of my own insides had already been lost it felt.

and that
is why I photograph them so much.

all day ive been off step, running into people, tripping over things, forgetting words.
i must have missed something,
or something.

ive been working very hard on my photo series, its nearly finished.
this all sounds redundant at the moment.
not what I'm really thinking.
what I'm really thinking...
is about last evening, jon and I got home at almost two.
we sat in the car and chatted for a whole hour before I realized it.
so nice.
its nice to have known someone for so long
and be able to hold a discussion that isn't forced. or driven.
that just is.
he tucked me in.
I am twenty.
sometimes I feel like Im 32.
sometimes I feel like Im 7.

most people would people would agree that it never quite seems like im all there.
thats because the rest of me is wherever he is.

that's all.

from the other day.
i sat around all day and played in the garden for a little while.
bought these shoes, for a dollar fifty.

ive got sunshine
ive got starlight
ive got my guy

who could ask for anything more.

ive been toodling around in a garden full of dead flowers all day long.

went antiquing and thrifting the other day.
found so many treasures, and photographed a few today.
my favorite is a little milk jar that i put some dried flowers in.

the petals are crisp.

im not sure
how i spent the first half of my life not knowing this person.




phenomenal

what a world i live in.
i wish someone else would live with me.
in this world
where nobody else is.
people come and go
but
you know.

my diana and i need to have a serious conversation
she is very unpredictable, and so am i, and we love that about one another.
(my diana is a camera, just for the record.)

anyway this week I am planning to go out into the wild with her, alone. should be nice.

you come and go from my thoughts.
there are about seven thousand places i have dreamt of taking you.

im not talking about diana
im talking
About

you